i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
