The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
