Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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