I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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