Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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