We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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