My hand turned me down
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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