And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
