I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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