Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
