I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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