I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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