Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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