Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
