I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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