Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
