# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
