The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
