I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Randomize
