Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
