Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
