Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
