She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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