I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
