There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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