let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
two words...techno handjob
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
