you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
