My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
