just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have already put on my inside pants.
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