This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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