Small penises have feelings too.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
