I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
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and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
