Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
