my vag is so smooth its legendary
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
