I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
