You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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