just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
