Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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