I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
