did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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