yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
