Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
