When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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