honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
