Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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