somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
