the condom got lost in my hair
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
