WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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