Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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