The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
