The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
